ahh well

I'm not sure why but lately I've been staying up past midnight. It's a bit annoying actually.  I'm not tired, I don't want to sleep and yet I have absolutely nothing to do.  I web surf and such, but overall, I have few friends.  And the ones I do have, well, I'm sure they are long since in bed since they all have to work in the morning.  So, I'm not sure what else to do.  Don't get me wrong I do have school in the morning, and it's not always a walk in the park, however nothing that I can't handle with only a few hours sleep in me.

Tonight it snowed crazy outside. I tried searching for my oldest's missing Ipod.  I swear that thing simply vanished.  I don't know what could have possibly happened to it.  I feel bad, he didn't even get to use it not once.  Although that said, he has enough toys and games to keep him happy for a year or more.  Anyways that's about all for today.

Can't wait till my direct deposit is I dunno, umm directly deposited!!! Grrrr!!  I'm so sick of waiting, nearing a month now since I sent in my paperwork.  Had I but known it was going to take this long, I'd have started the process like 2 months ago.  Mega annoying and frustrating.

In other news haha, Aiden officially needs glasses. Sure they'll probably be the lowest prescription that is offered, and he probably won't want to wear them long enough to see if it'll help with his head tilting.  But I look at it this way, it can't hurt and the worst case is that he continues tilting his head and staring out the corners of his eyes.  So, I get some cute "studious" pictures of him while he's wearing his new specs and that'll be that.

Tonight we got to make sugar cookies thanks to mom. :)  It was fun, and me and mom got entertained by my oldest son the comedian. "I think he gets it from me". haha.  He made us crack up joking about his brother and even broke out in tune, making us laugh even harder.  It was a lot of fun and I think both me and mom needed a good laugh.

Finally, Ethan's diagnostic tests came today in the mail!  Yippeeee!!  I can't wait to get him started to see where he places for his new curriculum.  It was such a relief to have that come today, words just aren't enough.  It's nearing the end of the month, which means I can order my new laptop. I'm completely dying to do that.

So, that's it.  What a boring blog.  Is no wonder in 2 days I've had 0 views. hahaha

Oops!

So in updating my blog settings, without realizing it, I sent emails to my some of my contacts telling them to view my blog. haha  Did not intend to do that so, sorry guys.  What I was hoping to do was to make it so IF you wanted to view my blog you could.   Ahh well, no biggy.

Had an okay day.  Very cold out, but at least we're nice and toasty inside.  That's about it.

In one moment, everything can change

So, I no sooner finish blogging today and sign on to check my email and I'm stunned to learn that my dad had a heart attack on January 10th.  He had been trying to get in touch with me but my ex-boyfriend cancelled his cell phone service which I was still under and neglected to tell me.  Apparently he had the heart attack at the gym while walking on the treadmill.  His heart just stopped, and so did mine as I read it.

He called me and Mom and assured us that he's fine, or re-cooperating at his sister's.  I just wish I could go see him, visit him or something.  I feel so helpless.  I also feel pretty scared.  Here I am severely overweight and eating extremely unhealthy, and HE has the heart attack?  How much longer til it's my turn?  Very scary, and very very rude awakening for me.

::sighs:: 

Is it really possible?

It's been one a whole month ago today that Christmas morning has came and went.  I'm amazed by this mostly because I can't count the amount of times that my oldest son has asked for a "new video game".   As a child I can't remember if I did this but I tend to think not.  I know I was a selfish and greedy little girl.  I know I always wanted "something" even if it wasn't for my specific gender.  However, I think had I begged for a new toy or game so soon after Christmas or a birthday that I'd be so scolded for it that I'd probably not get something the next special occasion.  But my oldest, it's as though he feels neglected or something.  I jump through hoops to please him and my youngest but yet it never seems like I do enough.

That is why this year, as hard as it is.  I'm buying ME stuff for a change.  Taking care of me, and getting in touch with MY inner child. Spoiling myself silly so to speak.  I've already started in a way.  I signed myself up for a gym membership, I finally am getting my much needed CPAP mask for my sleep apnea, and as soon as I get paid in February I'm ordering myself a much needed and long overdue new HP laptop.  I can't wait!!  In March I plan to get myself the Samsung G3 cell phone too!  Oh yeah baby, I'm goin' all out.  Little by little I'm getting myself back to feeling good. 

Aside from all that, I'm also trying hard to find a new place to live.  Although I immensely appreciate being able to stay here, I miss my independence, I miss a lot of things.  Being in my own place, not having to worry about anyone but me and my kids.  It will be so nice to have that again.   And I will.

I just got all my paperwork together for my application for foodstamps.  As soon as I get enough money to mail it out I intend on doing so.   Then once all that is taken care of I should be ok. 

One thing I'm dying to have back is a car.  Although it's not really mine, I use it as if it is. So, I have to get it fixed and back on the road. It needs a new tire, and there is something drastically wrong with the power steering. Once I get that done then I can really take care of her. :)

Mom just filled the oil tank today leaving her completely broke.  She has reminded me of this a few times this morning.  I feel awful, not that I didn't before hearing her tell me it.  I'm broke too though, and I can't do anything, not even mail out an application to help myself get food.  I can't contribute and there's really nothing I can do.  I dunno, I just feel bad, if I had the money surely she must know by now that I would help her.  Sometimes I feel like she thinks I don't pull my weight around here, but it's probably just me feeling bad about not being able to help.

Anyways, I'm not going to leave off on that note.   I just finished doing school with the kids and they both aced their spelling tests.  I couldn't be happier.  Now I'm off to call child support to see why my money is not in my account.  Grrr

A cold night

Last night while shivering foolishly on the porch, I couldn't sleep well. So, tonight I plan to take some sleeping pills and cozy up in Ethan's bed.  Taking advantage of his absence while he visits his dad. 

Today we went to Pollard School here in Plaistow.  The principal was very nice and very laid back.  Ethan seemed to like her enough and seemed to be enjoying his visit to all the rooms in the school.  However at the end of the tour, Ethan said firmly that he still wants to be homeschooled.  He said it in front of me, Eric and the principal.  Not that I blame him.  What was even more shocking was when Eric said while we were driving home that "school is school no matter where it is".  He floored me when he said that.  I had to thank him for his support and understanding with everything and he went on to say, "well, we are his parents and I think we know what's best for our son."  :)

Anyways, it made my whole day knowing that I no longer have to fear sticking Ethan back in the public school.  Knowing Eric will support not only me but his son. FINALLY!!!  ::Sighs:: now I can order his new curriculum with an eased mind.

PS.  Did I mention how cold it is??? brrrrrr

On second thought

On second thought....I feel like writing.  I'm not using the best keyboard and that's a little of why I'm not enjoying typing as I usually do.  My tummy is not the best either at the moment which isn't helping matters.  I joined a gym last week, not that I've attended once since joining.  I guess that's kinda pointless.  Then again, if my car didn't have a flat tire and if it didn't need the power steering fixed on it, I'd be able to go.  But even though I need to get that done, and I need to start looking for a new place to live, I still want my laptop come the 1st of February.  First, I hate this computer that I'm on.  It's just awful, not to mention it's not mine.  I also want to get my license switched over to NH, but worry that if I do move soon, which I think is fairly doubtful, that means having to change the address..... ::Sighs:: again.  Then I also need a new cell phone. I am waiting for the cutest ever Strawberry Shortcake case for it to protect it.   Having the blackberry and having to use it does nothing but remind me of him. So, I really want that taken care of. 

I need to order both the kids homeschool books.  I'm sick of not having a curriculum for Ethan.  And Aiden will be done with his work VERY soon and then will have nothing.   I need to get Ethan tested, and Aiden actually.  Dying to do this to be honest.   But it all costs money,....something that is very hard to come by in this house.   Once I get my laptop and my cell phone, and once I get my car fixed then it'll be MUCH easier to look for a place to live.  For now, I stay here, dealing with well... everything.   Nearly midnight again, so annoying.  My head is so ichy because of the cheap shampoo and conditioner we have.  It dries out my scalp something awful.  But when you don't have it... and when you're trying to save... you do what you have to and suffer through it.

Is it February yet? Only 2 weeks and one day!! Yippee!!

Take a breath

Despite starting over, or at least trying to, I don't feel like I've changed.  Actually, I feel pretty numb at the moment. Maybe I just need to sleep on it and write another day.