Is it really possible?

It's been one a whole month ago today that Christmas morning has came and went.  I'm amazed by this mostly because I can't count the amount of times that my oldest son has asked for a "new video game".   As a child I can't remember if I did this but I tend to think not.  I know I was a selfish and greedy little girl.  I know I always wanted "something" even if it wasn't for my specific gender.  However, I think had I begged for a new toy or game so soon after Christmas or a birthday that I'd be so scolded for it that I'd probably not get something the next special occasion.  But my oldest, it's as though he feels neglected or something.  I jump through hoops to please him and my youngest but yet it never seems like I do enough.

That is why this year, as hard as it is.  I'm buying ME stuff for a change.  Taking care of me, and getting in touch with MY inner child. Spoiling myself silly so to speak.  I've already started in a way.  I signed myself up for a gym membership, I finally am getting my much needed CPAP mask for my sleep apnea, and as soon as I get paid in February I'm ordering myself a much needed and long overdue new HP laptop.  I can't wait!!  In March I plan to get myself the Samsung G3 cell phone too!  Oh yeah baby, I'm goin' all out.  Little by little I'm getting myself back to feeling good. 

Aside from all that, I'm also trying hard to find a new place to live.  Although I immensely appreciate being able to stay here, I miss my independence, I miss a lot of things.  Being in my own place, not having to worry about anyone but me and my kids.  It will be so nice to have that again.   And I will.

I just got all my paperwork together for my application for foodstamps.  As soon as I get enough money to mail it out I intend on doing so.   Then once all that is taken care of I should be ok. 

One thing I'm dying to have back is a car.  Although it's not really mine, I use it as if it is. So, I have to get it fixed and back on the road. It needs a new tire, and there is something drastically wrong with the power steering. Once I get that done then I can really take care of her. :)

Mom just filled the oil tank today leaving her completely broke.  She has reminded me of this a few times this morning.  I feel awful, not that I didn't before hearing her tell me it.  I'm broke too though, and I can't do anything, not even mail out an application to help myself get food.  I can't contribute and there's really nothing I can do.  I dunno, I just feel bad, if I had the money surely she must know by now that I would help her.  Sometimes I feel like she thinks I don't pull my weight around here, but it's probably just me feeling bad about not being able to help.

Anyways, I'm not going to leave off on that note.   I just finished doing school with the kids and they both aced their spelling tests.  I couldn't be happier.  Now I'm off to call child support to see why my money is not in my account.  Grrr