Vacation is over

School time again.   Currently, both the kiddos are sound asleep as I type from my bed. I haven't organized a single thing downstairs, and dread having to as I like to be very prepared before I start my day, but whatever.  It's 7:18am..... waaay too early to be up.  One of my eyes is dry and burning, I have a cough from the night that won't go away and I hate it because I just know I'll wake up the boys when I cough.  There are a few good things going on today though.  For starters only 2 more days til Wednesday and that's awesome because I get paid!!  Also, today a new episode of Once upon a time is on.  And yes, these are the little things that make me smile.

So, it seems nice enough out there. We'll see I guess.  I have to go and let the ducks out soon.   That's about all for now. I may  be cancelling my appointment on Wednesday.  My mom keeps telling me to, and now that I have some pain meds for my very painful tooth, I might just reschedule for another day.  She said if I reschedule she'd come with me.  I don't relish going to Boston all alone..... so, I will most likely reschedule. 

Well, I gotta run.... lots to do before the kiddos wake up.  And I hear Ethan stirring as we speak. :(   UGH TOO early!!

Elephants

Okay,

So, I realize it's midnight but, I have to post this because like..... seriously???

Last night I'm upstairs with the kids.  Both kids in bed, quietly watching a movie.  I was doing this that and whatever on my laptop, also sitting on my bed.  I went upstairs purposely because I didn't want to hear my mom yelling about the kids being loud or whatever.  This usually happens and ends up stressing me out so it's just easier and better for me to be up there with them so that if they start getting loud or whatever I can put a cap on it as soon as it starts.

So, like I said, last night, alls quiet and suddenly my mom screams up the stairs, DO YOU MIND?!! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!! and slams her door.  All 3 of us looked at each other dumbfounded and  I said, ya know what, let's just go to bed guys.  At this time it was like 10pm and I was not about to start a world war over this obvious misunderstanding.  So that was that.

Now, I wont' lie, as I woke up this morning, I was immediately irritated thinking about being yelled at for no reason.  But, I let it go, and cleaned up the porch upon waking up.  I took the ducks outside as I usually do and fed them.  Thus beginning my day today.

Now it's night time. And tonight, me and the kids once again found ourselves up here doing the same thing as last night.  Only this time, the both kids fell asleep around 10pm and I stayed up on my computer.  I had to use the bathroom just a bit ago, and got up to do so. My bed has stupid wheels and so as I got up it slid back a bit, not too badly and certainly not loud enough to wake anyone.  I walked down stairs went and came back up.  I realized that I had some clothes on my bed, so I took them off put them on my hamper and shut off the tv. I sat back down on my bed, about to get ready for bed when the light went on in the hallway, and up stomped my mom!!

She opened the door furious!  What the hell is going on up here?? she yelled.   Nothing!, I said in shock I just was getting back on the computer for a bit... why?   My GOD she said, I thought the KIDS were up it's  so loud!!. And down the stairs she stomped yelling about how it sounded like a herd of elephants, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

OKAY so I get it, I must have woken her up but WHAT the frig!!  what am I supposed to do NOT breathe at night???  I mean I certainly couldn't have been THAT loud!  I hate that her bedroom is directly under ours. I wish it wasn't.  But all the wishing in the world won't change that.  I have to vent I have to, otherwise I'll lose it and end up fighting with her.  I will end up having to say SOMEthing tomorrow though as it's just not fair.  I'm doing everything I can and am walking on eggshells up here, yet am STILL getting yelled at.  It's simply NOT fair.  I'd like to know what the hell I'm supposed to do?  I'm trying my best not to walk loudly upstairs but ummm there's only so much I can do.

Anyways, had to vent.  I'd take a pill, but don't want to waste them this late at night.  I'll just go to bed and hope that tomorrow is better.  SO doubt it.
:(
What a way to end a night. :( 

Bunk beds!

So, I recently got my kids bunk beds!!  I love them and so do they.  So what it took me nearly 2 days to assemble all the zillions of pieces.  And it's no big deal that I'm still recovering from the assembly.  Had no idea how strenuous it would be.  Oh how we learn.  But, the best part of getting the boys bunk beds..... after 6 long months of sleeping on easy chairs, sofas, blow up mattresses, sleep sofas and sleeping with my 8 year old, I FINALLY have my very own bed!!   It's huge to me. :)

And I thought I was sleeping well with my Cpap mask!  That's nothing compared to the comfort of sleep I have now. :)

This month I am getting my hair cut. It's been 7 years.   Hm.... And yes, I'm going to be going pretty drastic. My hair reaches the middle of my back.  However it's seldom that I ever wear it down. You usually will find my hair pinned up in a bun or a very messy ponytail. So, I figure, maybe I should just chop it off and give myself a whole new look.  I'm talking over the ear short.  We'll see.

Tonight I'm sitting up here on my bed, I'm watching my kids in their bunks and enjoying the peacefulness of the night.  I'm a little lonesome, but am okay.  Miss being held on nights like this, just don't miss the person who used to do the holding.

::sighs::......hm......  ....

Paraphernalia

Took a nap at 3pm after doing school with the boys, building a duck coupe for my duckies outside, and doing some averaging so I was able to finish Ethan's Report card.

I used my CPap mask during my nap as I LOVE it so much and sleep 1000% better now with it.   When I woke up it was 4pm and I felt as though everyone around me was irritated that I had been sleeping.  The kids were being quiet and I'm sure I'd have heard them if they were misbehaving as I'm a fairly light sleeper.   So I wasn't sure what the deal was.  

Everyone seemed to be in a rush to leave for work despite there being no time restraints.  Whatever.  

As soon as they left for work, Eric came for Ethan.  I was happy to hand him Ethan's report card.  After they left, I took Aiden with me to drop off the Xbox game at the library before it was late.

Once home, I got very lazy and didn't want to do anything. I web surfed on YouTube about Progeria (Progeria is a rare genetic condition that produces rapid aging in children.) and watched a couple of families and children with this disease.  Made me feel very lucky to have such healthy kids. I wasn't intending to research this mind you, just happened to fall upon it accidentally. 

Before I knew it,  Mom came in the front door bearing bags of food.  I realized immediately I had not moved since returning from the library and knew I'd get repercussions for it, never directly of course.

I need to remember to put away all my blankets, pillows ans "paraphernalia" each morning. (ya know because we have SO many friend and company that stops by).  I also have to remember to take all my "things" out of the kitchen.  And on and on.   Thankfully I will only be couch surfing downstairs until the 1st of the month when I will be buying a bunk bed for the kids, so I an have my OWN bed (finally after nearly a year of not) !!  Can't wait!

I normally don't vent like this about my home life but ahhh... sometimes... I just can't take it and need to.  

PS.  I got a headache.  :(

A good nights sleep

So yesterday I picked up my long awaited Cpap mask.  Last night was my first night wearing it, and I must say that it was sheer heaven!  No more snoring, no more headaches when I woke up and no more coughing!  It's easy to sleep with and I'm so happy now that I have it.  I'd take a pic of me wearing it but...... I look a little nerdy so, we'll skip that. ;)   Mom said that when she walked pasted the living room to head to the bathroom, that I was sleeping quiet as a mouse and looked very comfortable.  I was very happy to hear it!

Ducks are getting bigger.  They are started to honk now.  Still goofy but bigger now.  Almost done with the kids report cards.  So far so good.  Will be done on Friday for sure. :)

On May 1st I have my 1st dentist appointment to start the process of getting my root canals done.  I am very much looking forward to this.  We'll see how it goes.

Next week the kids have Spring Break!  Yippeee!!

Devastating

Not much happened yesterday, so I didn't bother to post.   It was very warm and nice out here.  My duckies are growing very fast and will soon be having to be outside. :(

This morning I woke up annoyed and mostly because despite getting up early, the kids both were up.  Ethan once again has an attitude and I'm just SO not there for it. I came downstairs and begged them to play quietly.  But they're not they are talking full volume and my Mom isn't up yet so this can't end well.

I'm sipping on coffee, and painfully at that and just remembered I have a dentist appointment today at 11:30! This is exciting for me as I've been in so much pain lately.  This place actually does payment plans so I should be all set for getting this taken care of.

It's crappy out today, raining and raw.  I know I need to do school and since I'm up early I SHOULD be doing it now before my appointment, but the more I sit here and type the less I want to do it.  Especially when I know Ethan is in one of his moods. UGH  But..... I know I will endure the torture.

Not much else to write, time to go get them set for school.

UPDATE

It's 2:41pm now.  I managed to finish school with both kids before I left for my dentist appointment.  The appointment was very fast but as far as good news that's where it ends.  I need a root canal.  It will cost $2525.00  and I didn't get approved for Care Credit (the credit card most dentists accept), I didn't get approved with a co-signer, and basically that's it.  The payment plan they said they offered is terrible. The way it works is terrible I should say.   The root canal will be broken up into 6 visits.  Each visit has to be no more then 10 days apart and each appointment I'd have to pay $440.00.  So, I just can't.  I don't have that kind of money.  If it was $440 a month, even THAT would kill me, but not every 10 days... no way.  So, what is my other option you ask???

To pull it out.  :( :( :( :( :(  and be left toothless.

I'm devastated  and sick over this.  OH and just to spike the ball. On the other side of my mouth, the tooth I chipped off a few weeks ago, also has to be pulled because the nerve is completely exposed and it could very easily get an infection which is very dangerous.  Just a miserable day for me.  And I'm heartbroken over knowing I have to have 2 teeth pulled.  :( :( :(

Can I wash you?

So today was a hellish day.  Ethan's attitude has been getting worse and worse as he gets older.  However this time he really pushed it for me.

After several days of him not bathing, I insisted he bathe as today was his first speech appointment.  So, in the shower he goes.  However, Ethan has extremely poor hygiene. Yes, I've talked to his pediatrician, yes I've explained about bacteria and germs, and yes I've tried to see if it was the harshness of the toilet paper.  It's none of that.  It's about laziness and poor hygiene.  Or, he just doesn't care.

So, a very reluctant Ethan slowly undressed and eventually made it into the shower.  Now, due to not being able to trusting him to wash himself, I am forced to wash him myself or he will simply stand in the shower and lie and say he washed. I make him wash his own privates but I have to wash his hair and most of the rest of his body.   This time though he resisted, and gave me an extreme attitude.  Yelling at me about how I never let him do things on his own.  Well, I would if I could trust that he'd wash, and each time I give him opportunity to (which is frequent)  he always lets me down and doesn't bathe.

So, I'm washing his hair and asked him to turn around.  He did a half turn, and I said, please turn a little more.  A huge sigh of grief came from his little mouth and he got enraged at me.  GOD, just let me DO it he yelled.  When you wash your hair, you only wash the top and not the back or sides, so NO.  He looks at me irritated and says," That's because I'm not so picky like YOU"!    Anyways..... on and on it went.  He kept insisting he knew how to wash himself.  Finally it's time to get out and he says, "oh can I ask you something? Can I wash you, even though you  know how to wash YOURself".

Well, my mom heard this and came bursting in the bathroom. She was as upset as I was and we agreed no video games or tv for the rest of the day.  His attitude was just horrendous and it keeps getting worse.  I'm not sure what it is, or why but it's getting bad.

The speech appointment went okay.  I was not up for it after that ordeal however.  Although Ethan had calmed down thankfully.  He will be seeing her once a week.  We'll see if this actually helps. I HIGHLY doubt it as it's mostly him that needs to decide to USE the strategies that he's learned.   He knows them, and when he decides to use them they work, but he never does.  :(

Quack

Had to share this picture.  My duckies are getting big and the biggest one also the largest and loudest is what we all call "Daddy Duck"  He's in charge of the other 3 and he's the last to fall asleep as he looks over the crew and makes sure all's well.

This morning I go to feed them and the sweet babies are always talking to me with excitement!  So I snapped a picture because I had to. As one of them became a bit on the boisterous side and decided to take it upon himself for a swim in the water bowl.  He's a big goofball but we love him.  awwww  When I went to snap the picture he looked up at me and I swear the caption ought to be, "what?!" hahah  Thought you'd all enjoy!

I made Sausage Egg and cheese biscuit sandwiches for breakfast this morning for everyone.  They were good, but I really have been craving a McDonald's one, and this just didn't cut it.  But everyone else seemed to like them.
I was expecting rain today but this weather is the opposite!  If it get warm enough maybe I'll take the little guys out for some fresh air.  hahah

Ethan comes home tonight!! YAY!!  We're going to give the little duckies a bath... well, let them swim in the bathtub I should say.  We can't wait.... !!!!

Lost Baby

I am usually pretty good about keeping my cell turned up loud enough, especially when Ethan has visitation and is over his dad's room.   But this afternoon after shutting it off I forgot to turn it back on. So when I went to check the time, and I realized my error,  I was not too shocked I had missed calls and messages.  

My ex-husband called all in a dither.  Apparently his girlfriend lost the baby and he had to go with her to the hospital. Since Ethan was there visiting him, he had no choice but to take Ethan to his parents house first.  So his parents or one of them would be taking Ethan home later on.  Last time I was forced to see them was long ago, and I didn't relish it then nor the idea of this now.  

Anyways, I waited outside for them to come to avoid having them come in the house.  Luckily it was his mom and not the dad.  The whole drop off was quick and painless and took very little time.  I was glad it was over and not to be mean but, I wasn't too shocked about her losing the baby.  Eric didn't seem too broken up about it. 

Well, my baby is home now and I'm happy about it.  I'm tired now so good night!!

Just a dream or premonition, you decide

So, an interesting thing happened to me recently.  I haven't shared this with anyone just because if this IS a coincidence, it's pretty unreal.

So, here goes.  Now, I love trying to define my dreams sometimes, especially when they're odd or bothersome.  But, in this case I didn't need to look anything up or try to guess.  I just kinda.... knew. And no I don't go believing everything I dream has some mystical meaning, but this.... this was just too weird to let go.

So going back to Thursday night, I go to bed as usual and dream vividly as usual.  This dream began as a nightmare as I dreamed of my ex-boyfriend.   In the dream I was back in my old apartment and he was trying to impress me.  EXTREMELY out of character for him in reality.  So, he said he had a big surprise for me.  I turned around, and there was my friend Andrea!!  Some VERY important back history here.  Andrea was my first friend in grade school, and is technically my oldest friend to date.  Her and I had lost touch due to frequent moves on my part and such. Although trying to find her, I have not been able to in years.   And although it was a huge surprise in my dream to see her, I remember purposely not reacting to her being in front of me just to hurt his feelings. HA!   SO funny now that I am thinking about it.  It was a short dream and the only other part of it that I can recall is that we hugged each other and I remember her smiling at me.  Okay, that was that.

Morning comes, I wake up, I go downstairs, do the morning rituals and open my laptop (also a morning ritual).  To my amazement, that's such an understatement, I find a short note to me on my Facebook.  It read:  " Bekah, as in my friend from kindergarten?"  Sent to me by?  Yup my friend Andrea!  I felt a very cold chill run over me as I read the words again.  How could this be?  Not to be mean, but  I hadn't been searching or thinking of her recently so that wasn't the reason I dreamed it.  So, if it wasn't in my subconsciousness, then........  So, needless to say, WEIRD good weird, great weird... weird weird.. BUT WEIRD.
So, I felt that it was fate that we found each other   The dream I consider a premonition, and no one can tell me otherwise.  I just hope that I continue to have them as I love premonitions and such.  And of course we've been chatting.   It was nice getting back in touch again.  :)

The Moron Train Express has just rolled in.

So, today, my ex-husband calls me.  I know him well enough that when I hear him speak I know there is something he wants to tell me or needs to ask of me.  This was one of those times.  He asked about Ethan and bla bla bla bla.  Then he said how he has some "news" for me.  That his girlfriend is pregnant.

......   Okay so let's recap.
Let's not forget for a moment that my ex-husband:

Rents a ROOM in a house with NO kitchen, stove or fridge.  No bathroom... he has to share it outside his rented room. Yeah....
Has no bed for himself OR his son.
During visitations makes his son sleep on an uncomfortable air mattress while him and his girlfriend share a couch!
And has no bowls in the house. Makes his son eat cereal out of a CUP.  

But what the hell, you've only been dating her for 7 months, you're not married, let's have a baby together, hell why not??  I mean so what if you don't have your own place.. or your own bed, or your own toilet   Since you don't bathe that often anyways I'm sure the baby wont' mind.  And so what that your son sleeps on an air mattress because you claim you "can't afford a bed", I'm sure the baby wont' mind sleeping on the floor, or maybe a pool float, they're pretty cheap.   SO well thought out.

So, when I asked him was this planned?  His answer was stunning.  YES it was planned, we've been trying he said.   So, you expect me to believe that, with everything noted above this was planned.  What this told me was that either 1.He's lying and he's trying to make it be "okay" (which it's not) and he is stupid for putting himself in this situation.  OR 2. he's being truthful and the two of them are true morons and I take pity on that poor baby.

He went on to tell me that his parents are so excited.  Um, yeah Eric I know your parents, and I"m sure they wanted to execute you for this.   Whatever they said to make you tell me this must be pretty terrible.  You deserve ever BIT of this.  However there is some good that might come out of this.

Maybe NOW you'll actually get a chance to see what this thing called "PARENTING" is all about.  Since you haven't a friggen clue, and never have, not even when I was pregnant.  Thank God I did have someone who cared. <3

So yeah... Pregnant.  OHH and he's all excited because THIS weekend when Ethan visits him, he gets to tell him the big surprise that he's going to be a big brother.   UM  Ethan already IS a big brother and has been for the past 8 1/2 years~!  You moron.  GOD I can't stand him and his ignorance.  He's such an idiot. UGH

Up at 3:24am and NOT happy

Why you ask??

Pain.

The pain I have in my tooth is radiating in so many different places that I can't even speak it.   After falling asleep on the sofa last night, I awoke to a throbbing jolt of pain in my tooth, head, jaw and even bottom teeth that hasn't eased up no matter what.  It's given me thee worst ever headache ever and sleep right now seems like a distant memory.  All I want is the pain to stop.  :(

I tried using some vanilla extract on it, as I did this before  and it was an instant fix.  However, this time.... although it dulled the pain a tad, it was short lived and the pain returned in an almost spiteful way.

So what do I do at 3:24am you ask?  Feed and water my duckies of course!!  They were chirping away in the den and seemed quite happy to see me when I walked in.  That took all of 5 minutes, and so, I figured might as well blog about my pain, since no one is up to complain to this early.

Argggh.... :(   Since everything seems to hurt my tooth, hot cold.... air.... I'm not sure what more I can do then to go see a dentist.... paying for it... now that's another thing.  :(  We'll see I guess.