The Morning

 New day new morning.

Kids are juuuust stirring. I've been holding in a cough as to not wake them.  It's Wednesday. Hump day.  School Day.  Quite frustrating.  Woke up at 6:30 to pee and could not go back to sleep.

Today will be filled with going to the stupid credit union to fix my account because they are useless. Calling more hopeful apartments and Finish filling out my apartment applications.  I think I'll go downstairs and make or have some coffee.

I'm stressed and it's not even 8am yet.  UGH

The VERY EX-HUSBAND

I just hate him.



The hate that I feel for him consumes me at times.   Like right now.

EVERY fiber of my body, every breath I take in and exhale,....... hates him.

All I see is black.
Every muscle in me is tensed up even my jaw is clenched,...and I just hate him.

And I hate him for making me hate him.

Because, I don't hate people in general. I have a high tolerance for people overall.  So, when I am brought to the wrath of hate, as he brings me to so often lately, it truly is retched. 

I feel that hate is a super strong emotion, and an awful one at that. However... he seems to bring out the worst in me.  He makes me question my own sanity for EVER being remotely attracted to ANY part of him in ANY way shape or form.
 Truly I believe I was completely insane during the year I met him.  For many reasons, not just the being with him part.

 I made some STUPID choices, mistakes and I only have my foolish self to blame.  It is the one thing in life I am forever regretful and remorseful of.  

My life would be so different now.  Better for sure.  Instead.... I'm where I am.  GOD I hate him.







 

Here comes the.... what!

Today my ex-husband got re-married.   To be completely honest,  it is meaningless to me as I really truly never had feelings towards him deep enough to stay married to him or try to.    I have to say though that all can I think about is the person he has chosen to wed. 

Let me begin by saying that in no way am I one to throw stones about looks.  Truly not  at all.  However, this isn't about looks, it's about having respect for oneself.  It's about my son, my 11 year old HIGHLY impressionable son.   This new step-mom, the whole concept is hard for me to digest.  She seems to have no morals, or common decency.   She's horrifyingly crude, vulgar and obscene with all her Facebook posts.  It only makes me cringe to think what she must be like in person.  As I have no had the "pleasure" of meeting this person. 

Where to start?   Hm.... well, she has a tongue ring that she enjoys showing off in pictures which usually include a very vulgar comment. Her sense of humor is beyond obscene and her choice in expression is, just not child friendly.  I suppose having no children.... well yet, she doesn't know any better.  I guess??  Before I had children however, I never would dream of acting the way she does though. 

So today is her wedding day.  You think, flowers, wedding dress, walking down the aisle, you think, exchanging vows, bridesmaids, reception, love, respect.  Most people do anyways, I mean, at least that's what I always thought, that's the general theme of a wedding.  I mean,..... isn't it??

Okay, so this evening, as I was wondering if my ex-husband actually followed through with the wedding today as he told me about earlier this week.  I checked out his facebook page and there was nothing new on it, except I DID notice HER profile picture had changed. So, I clicked on it as it was too small to read and I opened it big and this is what is said:

 

 

I'll let you all digest that now.

And let your eyebrows come down a few inches. 

 

I had no words either.

I still don't.

All I think about is my son.

And how he is now going to be exposed to this type of mentality every other weekend.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

And, I'm just sick inside.

And I just know they'll breed. :(  UGH