Falling off the roller-coaster!

I have a million things going on.  Well maybe not a million but it sure feels that way.  I guess I'll start with the biggest thing on my mind.

Moving.

So, I've been apartment hunting on and off now for almost 2 years. Living with my parents, my 2 boys, and recently my little brother. I actually enjoy it  here for the most part, but, it's time I move on and go back to raising the boys on my own.  However,  if I'm not turned down because I don't make enough, then it's my own choice to withdraw applications due to the place being really nasty after I go see it.  There's many stories and they all end with me sorrily walking back into my parents house, defeated and broken.  Only to have to pick myself up and try again.  

Until, a week ago.

In a moment of sheer madness from having an insane bout of cabin fever, I slapped open my laptop and stomped my fingers angrily on the keys pulling up page after page of low income housing.  Each one further and further away distance wise, than I wanted to actually live.  Feeling extremely frustrated I finally said, ya know what, who cares!!  And I printed out 8 separate applications for 8 separate complexes, filled all 8 out in one night.  Took me nearly 3 1/2 hours, but I did not care one bit.  That night, I decided to write to one of the places.  The one I liked the most.

This apartment was in Rochester NH. It's about 50 minutes away from where I live now.  It was a complex and was not low income, but the rent was low enough that I could afford and it included heat!!!  A huge bonus for me.  Anyways, I wrote this email asking her if I should include any proofs of income or anything to expedite the application process before mailing out the application the next day.  She promptly replied asking me what my income was.  I responded but got a huge let down when I found out I didn't make enough (again) to move there.  I sadly wrote her and told her thanks anyways, and that I understood.  But then....... something unexpected happened.

She wrote me back.

She said, she would be willing to work with me with my income, and that she'd like to speak to me on the phone the next day.   Finally, a glimmer of light!!!

I didn't get my hopes up too high of course, as I've had tons of let downs before.  But, I called the next day and she was very down to earth, yet truly professional at the same time.  Wanted me to come by and see the apartment.  Figuring I had nothing to lose, my mom drove me up to Rochester. This was a week ago to the day. 

The apartment complex was set back in a little rural neighborhood just off 125.  I was pleased with the location, and was happy the ride there wasn't too bad.   When I first arrived, I noticed there was a play ground and that excited me as the boys would love that!  The grounds were kept up nicely considering the season.  When I walked in, she immediately greeted me and we sat down to chat. She told me that she wanted to talk to her boss, but she thought that I could probably afford to move there.   She then took me to go see the actual apartment.  

The apartment was a dream come true.  The best part for me, was on the first floor. This is mega rare!  It's next door to the laundromat, another rarity.  But the best part was that, it was vacant.  :)

I loved the HUGE walk in closet in the master bedroom.  I adored the kitchen! It was just perfect in every way.   After falling in love with it..... as we walked back to the office, she then dropped a bomb on me that I SO was not expecting, it pretty much took my breath away and I lost the wind in my sail instantly. 

There was another person who put there application in BEFORE ME!

I think I actually stopped dead in my tracks.  

She told me not to be let down, that they hadn't been approved yet.  But, I knew it was over for me.  She said she'd get back to me in a week.  I rode back home, once again defeated.

Now, if I had any hope, this week would have been dragging a lot more than it did.  But, I didn't. so, the week went by at a reasonable pace of a 3 legged cockeyed donkey.  Finally yesterday morning the woman called me.  Her tone was quite pleasant but was meaningless to me.  She began saying her apologies for making me wait for a week.  Then she said that the other person that applied did not qualify for the apartment.

At this point, she had grabbed my complete attention and I could feel my heart start to pound in my ears. Trying to keep my cool, and not jump ahead, I allowed her to finish talking. She told me that the apartment was still available and that I am next on the list.  She then said that she wanted me to come in the next day (today) to fill out the paperwork to see if they could get me in the apartment "as soon as possible".  

I'm pretty sure, there was more she said, but after hearing that I think I somehow blacked out mentally out of sheer shock.  Naturally we made the trip up to Rochester earlier today.

I felt sick inside, waiting for when the other shoe would drop.  There always is something, there's always something that falls through, prevents me from getting the place.  What would it be this time?? My credit, my references, hmm...... I was so incredibly tense and anxious, I didn't even notice the drive there.

 Meeting her again today was just as pleasant.  She had me sign many papers, and then told me that if my criminal background check comes back clean, (which of course it will), then she can't see why I won't be moving in on the 1st of May!!  She even gave me my new address!!

She then brought me to see the apartment again.  :)  If possible, I fell even deeper in love with this place and didn't want to leave.  Now, I have to wait for her to call me on Monday. For the 100% I definitely have this apartment call.  No pressure though.

Despite all my writing I really have no words.  And, let's not forget this is just ONE of the millions of things I have going on.  YEAH, not too much right?

My new, favorite WORD!!

So, I have a new favorite word!  

WANDERLUST

I love it. I love it so much.  The sound of it, the meaning of it. Oh yeah the meaning. It truly does define me. 

So yeah, I love it. Figured I'd share it. 

Kinda giddy tonight, for no good reason.

Night night all.

Wasn't sure if I ever shared my love for travelling?  But, figured now is as good a time as any. I'll soon have a nice list of places I want to go and will share that soon too.  (I have the list but not typed out just yet.)  I've been making a list of places for a while, just never thought to put them all together.  Am quite excited, and look forward to the future when I'll be able to make my dreams a reality!!

The Morning

 New day new morning.

Kids are juuuust stirring. I've been holding in a cough as to not wake them.  It's Wednesday. Hump day.  School Day.  Quite frustrating.  Woke up at 6:30 to pee and could not go back to sleep.

Today will be filled with going to the stupid credit union to fix my account because they are useless. Calling more hopeful apartments and Finish filling out my apartment applications.  I think I'll go downstairs and make or have some coffee.

I'm stressed and it's not even 8am yet.  UGH

The VERY EX-HUSBAND

I just hate him.



The hate that I feel for him consumes me at times.   Like right now.

EVERY fiber of my body, every breath I take in and exhale,....... hates him.

All I see is black.
Every muscle in me is tensed up even my jaw is clenched,...and I just hate him.

And I hate him for making me hate him.

Because, I don't hate people in general. I have a high tolerance for people overall.  So, when I am brought to the wrath of hate, as he brings me to so often lately, it truly is retched. 

I feel that hate is a super strong emotion, and an awful one at that. However... he seems to bring out the worst in me.  He makes me question my own sanity for EVER being remotely attracted to ANY part of him in ANY way shape or form.
 Truly I believe I was completely insane during the year I met him.  For many reasons, not just the being with him part.

 I made some STUPID choices, mistakes and I only have my foolish self to blame.  It is the one thing in life I am forever regretful and remorseful of.  

My life would be so different now.  Better for sure.  Instead.... I'm where I am.  GOD I hate him.







 

Here comes the.... what!

Today my ex-husband got re-married.   To be completely honest,  it is meaningless to me as I really truly never had feelings towards him deep enough to stay married to him or try to.    I have to say though that all can I think about is the person he has chosen to wed. 

Let me begin by saying that in no way am I one to throw stones about looks.  Truly not  at all.  However, this isn't about looks, it's about having respect for oneself.  It's about my son, my 11 year old HIGHLY impressionable son.   This new step-mom, the whole concept is hard for me to digest.  She seems to have no morals, or common decency.   She's horrifyingly crude, vulgar and obscene with all her Facebook posts.  It only makes me cringe to think what she must be like in person.  As I have no had the "pleasure" of meeting this person. 

Where to start?   Hm.... well, she has a tongue ring that she enjoys showing off in pictures which usually include a very vulgar comment. Her sense of humor is beyond obscene and her choice in expression is, just not child friendly.  I suppose having no children.... well yet, she doesn't know any better.  I guess??  Before I had children however, I never would dream of acting the way she does though. 

So today is her wedding day.  You think, flowers, wedding dress, walking down the aisle, you think, exchanging vows, bridesmaids, reception, love, respect.  Most people do anyways, I mean, at least that's what I always thought, that's the general theme of a wedding.  I mean,..... isn't it??

Okay, so this evening, as I was wondering if my ex-husband actually followed through with the wedding today as he told me about earlier this week.  I checked out his facebook page and there was nothing new on it, except I DID notice HER profile picture had changed. So, I clicked on it as it was too small to read and I opened it big and this is what is said:

 

 

I'll let you all digest that now.

And let your eyebrows come down a few inches. 

 

I had no words either.

I still don't.

All I think about is my son.

And how he is now going to be exposed to this type of mentality every other weekend.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

And, I'm just sick inside.

And I just know they'll breed. :(  UGH

 

 

Sliding back in time...

I'm in a good mood.   I've been in one actually all day and it's been this way for a while now.  The weird part is that not much has changed. Still living at home, still without a car, and yet, I wake up psyched!  It's crazy. I mean I'm not even able to see my friends.  And yet I'm okay with that.   It's weird... I should be all like sad and lonely and stuff but, instead... I'm fine.

My new addiction is getting my teeth worked on.  I know that sounds odd but, I'm looking forward to my first of TWO yes two cleanings in I don't know how long.  I finally am able to afford dental insurance, not that it's as much as I originally thought but still.  So, little by little, my toofies are getting fixed. ;)  Oh and PS. love my new dentist!

Today I literally came up with my own awesome recipe!!  It's a sauce more than a recipe that is SO versatile that I am in awe of myself.   What it is you ask?  I don't have a name for it yet but, it's soo good!  Maybe I'll post it on my food website soon!!   If you like spicy this is for you!!  If you don't, well this is STILL for you, like I said it's versatile!! It has bacon, chili powder, cumin, jalapenos, garlic cream cheese, cheddar cheese, parsley, and chicken broth.  It's out of this world!

Let's see what else what else. I am so proud of myself!  I fixed my old relic computer to run Ethan's new curriculum!!  Yippee!  I am impressed with myself really I am.  I mean, it's Windows XP but it's dead slow and is extremely temperamental.  Probably not the best choice for his school work but, ehh, if it kicks the bucket he can use my laptop.  We'll see though.

What's coming up anything fun... uahhhhh  {{{thinking}}}  Winter break~!  and ordering a new curriculum for Ethan. Plus saving for dental visits, and everything else..... yeah that's about it I think.   Anyways, I'm off to bed.  Also I've been enjoying reminiscing on my Facebook these past few days.   It's been fun sliding back in time.   

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

New Years Eve!!  I promised myself from last year I would NOT celebrate with the kids this year.   Last year, I bought the horns, the hats, the plastic champagne glasses, the mock champagne, the goofy 2013 glasses, and the poppers!  I bought snacks and set up my laptop to stream the ball drop.  And what happened when I called my kids down to count down.  I got:  "Nahh I'm all set ma"  from my oldest.  And "Um well, do I haveta?"  from my youngest.  Needless to say I was frustrated and disappointed with them both.  So, I did what anyone would do in my situation.  I put on my party hat, my glasses pour a glass of mock champagne, and popped a popper while I counted down by myself all alone in the room til midnight.


SO THIS year, I refused to do that.    This year, instead I decided to make appetizers for everyone. Long story short,  I spent too much money, and made WAY too much food.  Well unless I was having a crowd come over that is.  Which I didn't.   In fact I did so much that I ended up falling asleep for 2 hours before the ball dropped as I couldn't help myself.   I did ended up watching the ball drop, and actually did it with the boys as they begged and pleaded to stay up this time.  I think they learned their lesson.

So I took pictures of SOME of the food I made.  I say some because I made more just didn't have the energy to snap another picture.  Next year, as I told a friend, a bag of CHIPS.  That's it. haha Because this was ridiculous.

It started out so simple:  Ham and cheese finger rolls and green olive cream cheese stuffed celery.
Already I did WAY too much as there was just me, my mom and my dad.  The kids don't count as they didn't want anything.

Did that stop me?  Nope.  I continued cooking.

Next I made mini wieners wrapped in croissants with a zesty dipping sauce.  Trust me when I say there were TONS more.  This was just a few I threw in a plate for the picture. It was insane how much I made.

Then I made a nice cheese and cracker plate up using 3 different cheeses.

Did I stop there? Not even close.

Next I made spinach balls. They are MUCH better then they sound.  That was one of the things I didn't take a picture of.  Here's KINDA what they would look like I guess. 

Then I realized I had lots of left over mini weiners and so I wrapped maple bacon around each one and put it in a baking dish, I covered them all with a pound of brown sugar and baked it til the sugar melted into a syrup.  I know it wasn't healthy but... MAN was it ever good!  (yeah the front ones needed to cook longer and after I snapped this pic I put those ones back in.)

Did it stop there?  NOPE.

More I tell you I wanted MORE!!  I think something is wrong with me. hahah

I wanted shrimp!  So, I bought one of those round shrimp things with the shrimp sauce in the center. And also made from scratch stuffed shrimp!! OMG it was fabulous!!  (again didn't take a pic of it, but this is what it looked like)

But wait there's more!  Seriously.

My mom made crab meat appetizers too!  They were sooo good.  here's what they look like: 

And that was the last thing.

I know......... yes I know.  I don't know what I was thinking.... But, it's all good. hahah

So, as I said earlier, next New Years Eve I'm having a bag of chips, and that's it. hah :)

Another Christmas

Christmas is over.  Awww  It was fun while it lasted though.   We had a delicious and I mean DELICIOUS dinner!!   Roast Sirloin with the most delectable gravy EVER.  Stuffed artichokes and stuffed mushrooms, red bliss mashed potatoes and rutabaga. Everything was out of this world, but for me personally the roast was the king of it all.

Past the food. haha We had a lot of fun exchanging gifts.  Missy and Jon came over and it was so much fun!  I can't wait to use my beautiful dessert cook book!!  The only hard part is deciding which recipe to make.

So, Santa came :)  Here's some pictures of the boys opening their gifts!  

Funny story about this gift.  I bought the boys a Disney Infinity for their xbox this year.   But, while shopping one day, I found these boxes that are called "prank gifts".  Anyone heard of them??  Anyways, I just HAD to get this.  Ethan's reaction to the gift is priceless.  I'm just glad he didn't go and throw it at me.  

 When I insisted on him opening it, he this is what he read:

Despite LOVING his gift, he was not too happy with me tricking him. haha

Christmas Cookies!!!

Lots of fun this past week. Here's some more stuff we did. :)

Starting with making Christmas Cookies!!!

It was a lots of fun and we didn't get to decorating them til morning as you can see by the bright light.

We also finally got to decorating the Christmas tree!  YAY!!!

The finished product ( We (meaning me) also strung popcorn and cranberries for a garland see~!!

Since my kids weren't into making a snow man, and my oldest told me I was lame and a "newb" for even suggesting it, I went ahead and made my OWN snowman in our front yard this evening.   Here's a pic of it and then a panned out shot of the house.

So, now we've just been watching some good ol' Christmas classics, like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Alister Sim's  A Christmas Carol, A Charlie Brown Christmas, and Miracle on 34th Street.  Tomorrow night we'll watch It's a Wonderful life.  YAY!!! Can't wait!

Christmas time is here :)

Time for a new post.

Only 15 days til Christmas!  YIPPEE!!  Yes I countdown, yes I get very jolly!!  I'm done with my shopping and my wrapping.  I've been done for a while now actually haha.  This is a post to show you guys all the fun things I've been up to so far  with the kids.

One of the first few things was with my youngest son.  My oldest one found these first few activities too "babyish" for him.  Oh well, so me and Aiden had fun.

Making a red and green construction loop tree garland! Classic :)
(realizing now just how crappy my cell camera is)


Making Snowflakes!!!  Gotta love it~!!

Making Reindeer Candycanes!

And then today me and BOTH the boys made their Gingerbread houses.

They really did a great job!

We still have Christmas cookies to make and believe it or not, we've not decorated the tree.  But, then again, it's not ours so, it's not technically up to me.   If we were living on our own this would have been done ages ago.  Then again, it would be a real tree, but it's all good.  :)

Last night I splurged and made some Christmas treats for fun. Here's a pic of them.

It was fun making the cookies, and I especially enjoyed watching the boys create their gingerbread houses today.  It was snowing, and we played Christmas music while we decorated.  Overall, it's been a fun holiday this month.

I can't wait to decorate cookies and watch some classic Christmas movies!! 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Thanksgiving!!!

We had a very delicious Thanksgiving this year.  It was so nice having a small one, with just us.  I'm normally not like that but,  it's been so long since we've just had it with ourselves that it was refreshing.

I don't have many pics of it but, here are a few.

This last pic of my kids and their Uncle was the best I was able to get of him.  He insists on making these faces.   Some things don't change from childhood. 

Raking Leaves!

I have documented proof here.  My kids actually voluntarily asked me if they could rake the leaves!!!
Okay, sure they wanted to do this because they wanted to jump in the leaves but still!  haha

Here's the pic I took... Well the best out of 3 cell pics I took.  ;)

Spooooky Halloween!!!

 So, last night was Halloween!  VERY Scary!!   (not really)  Ethan wanted to be a zombie for Halloween this year and Aiden... well, he chose not to go trick or treating because he was scared of Ethan's costume.    I did Ethan's make up and he loved it!  Sadly no matter how much we tried, Aiden wasn't even close to wanting to go.     Here are some pictures of Ethan's costume.  He loves to pose... what can I say??